hi i'm Sai..a lot of you might know me, but only few of you really knowS who i am..who i am before, who i am now, & what i wanna be tomorrow..
I AM A REBEL back at the days..i am your typical rebel teenager..i did all kinds of vices, hmm, should i say almost all of them..one thing i am proud to say is i did not do drugs of any sort..i used to drink a lot, alcoholic drinks that is, i used to smoke one pack of cigarettes a day..i used to have a lot of guys in my life..i used to party all day and even all night..well, that's me, that's the "SAI" before..
okay...with that being said, let me tell you about the "SAI" now..i am renewed, but i'm not yet perfect, i guess nobody is, and i'm not trying to be..i am currently working now as administrative officer at Global-Link MP Events International, Inc. here at Ayala Avenue Makati City..i am living somewhere in Bangkal, Makati together with my ate....i don't have vices anymore..i still drink but on very rare occassions only, i totally don't smoke anymore..i'm not in the mood to party till i drop anymore..i don't have guys around me anymore..this is me now, i can say i have changed so much, i have changed a lot..i am a better person now..
now, here's the reality..i have changed, yes i have..a whole lot better & wiser i am now..i can't pretend & i can't hide the ugly past - the ugly SAI persona - i had in the past, and HEY! I AM NOT TRYING TO!!!..even though i'm not denying,hiding the life i've lived before, i also am not proud of it, i don't go around boasting about it nor bragging about it..i know i've made mistakes, i had my own share of stupidity, selfish & wrong decisions before..i made a fool and a jerk out of myself before, that's a fact that i can't hide, i don't deny, and i am not proud of..and here comes the bitter reality that i have to live with everyday of my life--i have changed!!! i am a better person now, a better human being to mankind, a better creature of this world, a better daughter, a better sister, a better citizen and even a better girlfriend...but, despite all of these wonderful changes i had in my life, people, they still see me as that crazy, misguided, rebel girl that i once was..they still see me that way or either & i'm pretty sure of it that they just choose to see me that way.. they still choose to see me as that bitch / whore / slut / boyfriend-stealer / cheater / happy-go-lucky girl..and the saddest part of it is some or should i say most of those people that are looking at me that way is my once upon a time so-called friends..but can i blame them? can i be mad at them? do i have the right to??? or is this the reality "THE BITTER AND PAINFUL REALITY" i have to live with???do i really have to accept this???without questioning them?without fighting them back?without arguing my way out?without explaining myself & my side of the story to them?or should i just shut the hell up & let them slap around my ego?? i remember before, my best girlfriend & i used to say, "TANGINA WALA AKONG PAKELAM SA SINASABI NG IBA, BAHALA SILA, BUHAY KO 'TO AT MASAYA AKO"..we used to have this motto, our principle "PANINDIGAN LANG 'TO"..now if you should ask me, do i still believe in this motto? do i still have the guts to say that i don't care on whatever people around me thinks? hmmmm... i've asked myself this question a lot more that you could ask me... deep breaths, sleepless nights, undried pillows...
and my answer is this: YEAH, DAMN, I STILL DON'T GIVE A SHIT ON WHAT YOU PEOPLE WILL SAY OR IS SAYING!! gossip all you want, laugh at my back all day long, backstab me every now & then, i didn't care before didn't i, what made you think i would now??? well i guess that's one thing that makes you people so interested in bad mouthing me, it's because you can't make me cry..you never did..you've tried everything to make me lose control, to make me lose my calm, to make me look like a lose canon, but did you ever ever achieved that???NEVER!!! hell i won't give you people that satisfaction, not yesterday, not today & never ever in the near future!!! my sister told this to me once and i'll tell you this sticks to me bigtime "WHY BOTHER EXPLAINING? YOUR FRIENDS DON'T NEED IT AND YOUR ENEMIES DEFENITELY WON'T BELEIVE IT!", after hearing this i said to myself "tangina, oo nga noh, may point ka!!" so why do you think i would care about what you people are saying? why do you think you can get me to cry and try to explain myself to you with tears in my eyes and with sobs? you are not my friends, you are not my enemies, you just love to hate me..hahaha..i guess your lives are just too boring that's why you always indulge in my life..pathetic, that's what you are fools...
okay, now here's my soft heart that's speaking, my soft part that is affected -- .. do you people know that all the things that you are saying about me, all those nasty things that you've been telling, yeah it doesn't bother me at all, but let me tell you what bothers me and what really gets in my nerves..it's when i see my nanay cry, my tataymi sad, my ate devastated and my kuya so mad that he could kill...yeah it gets me, i admit...at one point you did and do affect me...if i was the only one involve, you won't see me cry, if i was the only one to hear your cruel remarks, you won't see even a hint of tear in my eye...but hey, i have a family who loves me, yes they know everything that happened to me in the past, everything i've done, and they said their piece on me, the sermon for almost a year, but they still accepted me & given me another chance, but then again, they are my family so why wouldn't they right...THEY are the people that are really affected by your idiotic and insecured minds..and hey, it just so happens that THEY are the people I LOVE THE MOST..they are the people that i would kill over, that i would willingly die for...now, you'll see again that bitch in me that you love to talk about...
As for my question earlier, yes!!!!!!!! i would fight back...i would fight all of you fuckers back...even though yeah i've changed but i will bring back the ssame bitch i am before & i assure y'all that i will even be more irritateable and more meaner than before...just wait till i make y'all cry..
and as a closing statement for this revelaing blog entry of mine, there are two things i wanna say.."ILOVEYOU NANAY, TATAYMI, ATE, KUYA.." and "THE WRATH OF HELL BE WITH YOU FUCKERS!!!" well, that's me..goodbye, I am SAI...
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